Saturday, 20 May 2017

Feeling sentimental

It is interesting how people keep telling me, it was not my fault. I need not to blame myself for the things that happened. Funny, cause I never did.

I believe I did my best.

I believe that eventhough I could redo this all again, I would still choose the same thing.

I believe that this is what was written for me.

I believe that I was and am a very strong-will person who do things after thinking about the consequences rationally.

But I also believe that not one person in this life of mine, would sacrifice their needs againts mine.

Kita semua manusia tamak. Mahukan so-called happiness untuk diri sendiri dan keluarga.

How can I blame anyone for that?

Sebab saya pun.

And then, a very close friend of mine asked me, how did I do it?

I was caught offguard and unsure of how should I respond. Should I be honest? Should I be vague?

Knowing this friend for 10 years or so, that warrants a careful answer. I asked her the reason for the question.

Just to be clear, I might have made it looks easy, but it was far from easy.

It was heart-breaking and over-whelming. I cried a lot more than when my father passed away. And I loved my father so much. But marriage for me is sacret. 2 hearts and souls that were supposed to be bonded by invisible chains of compassion and understanding and mutual agreements. But then it was obviously not. At least not in my case.

Whatever happens, I will not want any of my family or friends to go through what I have been going through.

This is something I will always pray for. InsyaAllah.

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