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Saturday 27 August 2016

sad. all love.

right this second. what i feel about married life is, my happiness depends on others. s plural. why?

it was supposed to be mine. his.


i dont need more than these x and y to be added to this equation.

leave.

Sunday 21 February 2016

mixed feeling

Saya macam tak ingat berapa kali, tapi saya selalu cakap dengan diri sendiri dan kawan-kawan, saya jenis orang yang berpijak di bumi nyata. Dalam bahasa pasarnya, jenis sedar diri. Peace yo.


Jujur cakap, persiapan ni, tak adalah stress sangat macam yang digambarkan oleh filem-filem barat atau orang-orang yang berpengalaman sebelumnya. Ok, biar saya re-phrase. Maybe tidak se-stress orang-orang sebelum yang mahukan perfection. Di hari dirinya sebagai raja/ratu sehari.


Ini mungkin sedikit masuk bakul, tapi, sumpah, saya tak mengharapkan ianya perfect. Maksud saya, kamon, saya berwalikan pakcik tiri yang cuma saya nampak mukanya pertama kali pada hari pengkebumian ayah saya 10 tahun dulu. What do you expect? How can I ever change that into perfect anyway?



So, I stopped hoping. I stopped overthinking. But I didnt stop the process obviously.


But I was as calm as a bride can ever be.


Until I was asked by people all around me.


I couldnt get the place I wanted. heh. its fine. *waving hand lazily.

I couldnt get the dress I wanted. heh. its fine. *waving hand lazily.

I couldnt get the color I wanted. heh. its fine. *waving hand lazily.

I couldnt get the doorgift I wanted. heh. its fine. *waving hand lazily.

I couldnt get the dais I wanted. heh. its fine. *waving hand lazily.



Luckily I designed my invitation myself.



Bohong la cakap kalau tak kesah pasal semua ni. Saya perempuan kot. Tapi saya dah mula kurang kesah, sedikit demi sedikit.



Saya bukan anak doktor atau majistreet. Saya bukan model atau at least, hijabista. Saya bukan sapa sapa pun.



But if undivided love is all you want, that, I can do. I can be better, together.


Still, a girl is a girl, always. Hidden somewhere inside this twisted mind.


Kami selalu mahu rasa dimanja dan dibelai. Walau se-tough mana pun kami.


Promise me this.